answered

The weeks leading up to the end of winter quarter and the start of spring quarter were so hectic and so busy that I hadn't realized that I'd begun to lose sight of some crucially important things. Luckily, a 4 to 5 AM chat with a close friend on the other side of the globe this past Friday night (Saturday morning?) sort of set in motion a new series of little happenings, and I just realized that my anxieties have been answered by the universe. A sense of gratitude and appreciation for everything that is going on in my life has been revived in me and I can honestly say that I feel invigorated again.

After a long Friday night that seemed to never end, I came home to a silent house, as usual. I crept into bed but all the things on my mind that I've been pushing aside flooded over me and I realized how much I needed someone to talk to, despite how exhausted I was. I saw that my friend was awake in Taiwan so I sent her a message; we ended up video calling each other for at least an hour. After talking to her and listening to her feedback, I felt a little lighter, because I think what I really needed at that time was to hear myself put into audible words all my pent up frustrations and disappointments, rather than let them continue to stew in my brain and drain my energy. I've been worrying about being "spread out too thin" between my obligations to my club, my role in the Commuter family, and my place in another group of friends I'm slowly growing closer to. I guess the weeks at the end of winter quarter and the days leading into break/Week One of spring quarter made me feel really detached from these three social circles, and for a moment I'd felt a bit lost and lacked a sense of belonging.

Tonight, despite it having been another long day, ended on a really comforting note. I spent an hour after PCN modern dance practice talking to my ate, and just all the things we talked about and learned about each other reminded me how important it is to open up a little bit once in a while. (And that's something that has become increasingly difficult over time for me.) I'm going to work harder towards maintaining these human connections.

a new genre

Just a quick post as a filler to break the silence this past month and a half. I've been doing lots of thinking, even though I haven't been writing about it (and I apologize because I really know I should!). Lots of cool, "professional" things have been happening and I guess I've been barely able to fathom how to put my excitement into words.

This blog started out as a place to just jot down moments and little things that inspired me throughout each week, but the reason I'd written on these topics was because, well, I didn't know what I wanted my blog to be focused on. Then an idea hit me this past weekend — a soundtrack blog. Honestly, I don't know exactly what I want to call this "genre" of blogging, but the gist of it came from this train of thought:

• I like films and the idea of film production/writing. I don't know a whole lot about it yet, but I'm incredibly determined to learn. (I'm even considering tacking on a Communications/Film major to my current English major. So exciting!)

• I like music. I've been in a "music rut" recently, meaning I've been listening to some music, but nothing has struck me enough to make me obsess over it. Sadly, I feel like I'm moving out of my folk/indie phase and transitioning back into EDM/house and hip-hop. I keep asking myself "Why?? Music?? What?? Listen?? To??" (that's a bit of an exaggeration) but it's really frustrating because I want music to be integral to my life again, not just "stuff" I listen to while driving to school.

• Films I've watched recently (Spike Jonze's Her, Xavier Beauvois's De dioses y hombres, Denis Villeneuve's Incendies, and Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds) have moved me a lot. Especially in Her and Inglorious Basterds (as well as some of my other favorite movies), the music helped me connect to each of them.

And as a result of all this pondering, I've come up with this idea for a blog (partially inspired by Brain Picking's Literary Jukebox):

1. Come up with an idea for a short film/documentary. I'm wondering if there are any scripts that are in the public domain that I could use. I might even write my own...
2. In each post, include a scene from the film that I find important/significant. 
3. Handpick songs and create a "soundtrack" (more like a playlist) that I feel reflects the film.
4. Do a little blurb. Include a graphic or image.

I know there are people on 8tracks and Tumblr who create mixes and fan soundtracks for their ships, television shows, and even for broader genres of film (like this one and this one), and I guess this would fall under that category, but I think the differentiating detail is that I'm using films or series that aren't in the popular mainstream. Original scenes of my own work (I'm not sure if I can do this yet, since I have zero experience in screenwriting), abandoned scripts floating around the Internet, etc. I think that's what'll make this blog stand out.

I thought about making an entirely separate blog for this project, but I think I'll pilot it here. Looking at all the steps needed to construct one post, I estimate it'll take anywhere from two weeks to a month to make each one, since I'm basically married to my college studies and extracurriculars. I mostly see myself working on this during my bouts of free time between classes and on days when I (miraculously) do not have piles and piles of work to do.

How does this all sound? Would people even want to follow a blog like this? Even if I end up being the only reader, I think I'm fine with that, since it's mostly an activity I want to do in order to explore film and music more. It's mostly for me. If other people can enjoy it, then that'd be spectacular. I feel like I'm glowing inside just thinking about it.