that's love

Lack of inspiration? Lack of motivation? Fear of the future? Excitement? Sleep deprivation?

I guess these are all just little excuses I've come up with to compensate for my lack of writing. I'm doing my best to settle back into the routine of school, but for some reason spring quarter hasn't felt as "smooth" as the last two. It might just be the weather that's making me feel detached from schoolwork, or maybe it's just that a couple of my classes aren't as engaging as they should be (bitin' my thumb at these boring freshman critical thinking/cultures courses!). It could also be the hectic chaos that comes with this time of year in terms of all the big culture shows and events, along with elections and getting ready to transition into a new board. If anything, it's honestly probably the overwhelming combination of all of these things.

Nevertheless, since I don't have as many words and ramblings to share, I thought I'd just compile a handful of pictures and snaps from my life this past month or so.

answered

The weeks leading up to the end of winter quarter and the start of spring quarter were so hectic and so busy that I hadn't realized that I'd begun to lose sight of some crucially important things. Luckily, a 4 to 5 AM chat with a close friend on the other side of the globe this past Friday night (Saturday morning?) sort of set in motion a new series of little happenings, and I just realized that my anxieties have been answered by the universe. A sense of gratitude and appreciation for everything that is going on in my life has been revived in me and I can honestly say that I feel invigorated again.

After a long Friday night that seemed to never end, I came home to a silent house, as usual. I crept into bed but all the things on my mind that I've been pushing aside flooded over me and I realized how much I needed someone to talk to, despite how exhausted I was. I saw that my friend was awake in Taiwan so I sent her a message; we ended up video calling each other for at least an hour. After talking to her and listening to her feedback, I felt a little lighter, because I think what I really needed at that time was to hear myself put into audible words all my pent up frustrations and disappointments, rather than let them continue to stew in my brain and drain my energy. I've been worrying about being "spread out too thin" between my obligations to my club, my role in the Commuter family, and my place in another group of friends I'm slowly growing closer to. I guess the weeks at the end of winter quarter and the days leading into break/Week One of spring quarter made me feel really detached from these three social circles, and for a moment I'd felt a bit lost and lacked a sense of belonging.

Tonight, despite it having been another long day, ended on a really comforting note. I spent an hour after PCN modern dance practice talking to my ate, and just all the things we talked about and learned about each other reminded me how important it is to open up a little bit once in a while. (And that's something that has become increasingly difficult over time for me.) I'm going to work harder towards maintaining these human connections.